you say you're cynical, you got nothing on me
you want 'me in general' with no specific details or mention of what exactly you want about 'me'.
by 'me in general' you imply you would put up with the times when i eat everything in the fridge then order take-out, when i forget my card and you have to pay for everything, when i don't believe anything you say to me, when i spend the last of the money of coca cola, when i cheat on you and don't feel guilty, when i'm emotionally distant, when i'm clingy and all other states in between.
and you don't want that.



i'm roughly ten years too young to have watched sex and the city in its heyday but watching the second movie last night proves it's exactly the same situation.

yeah

over the last post.
she's bouncing off the walls already, can't get back home quick enough.
and they keep saying 'take more time off'
if only that were a viable option it would be great.
i'd do the work i just don't want to go in, that would also be great.

and i'm going a little bit crazier
between wanting to get back into the swing of it all
or to rest and put the weight back on and rot away.

getmeoutgetmeoutgetmeout
give up, swallow, sleep. repeat.

stupid

yeah it's okay to have semi-naked women all over their adverts as long as they don't ban people with prosthetic limbs from working there.
it's that sort of stupid attitude that puts us a step back.
yes, american apparel pick people on how they look. they judge them. so do a+f so does every place that makes clothes aimed at white hipsters.

i am very annoyed because arguing like you is like swimming into a dam repeatedly

social situations

social conventions when someone shouts your name and hugs you and you can't remember who they are?
last night was good, minus the near arrest
though trof is far too overpriced for mixers

it's odd what a difference glasses and hair make to a person.
but it was good to get out with the old crowd and be fairly sober and hug and have fun.
instead of sat in the same place with people i don't really like for hours just drinking.

the

most perfect song.
yeah i could be alright and go on with life like before
but i'm not
so i sit around and drink kenco coffee and stare at the wall and exercise, occasionally
then go out and find someone else who's not you.
because anyone else will do.
but, noone else will do.
because noone else is you.

r e v e n g e

would be quite easy.
send her the emails.
tell her about the brown quilt.
tell her it was more than a kiss.

so why don't i?
because then he'd be upset.
and i still care.
goddamn conscience

the truth is you'll be okay anyway

what i have consumed today:
not a lot

what i consumed yesterday:
less

and the day before...?

i see a pattern emerging.
my new christmas coat fits at last.
it's the one good thing he did for me, getting me to fit that fucking coat.
and it's a nice topshop coat so it's almost, almost worth the heartache.
'bite me'.
the two words that made this a little bit easier. because he has something to go back to, someone to go back to. and he's not screaming silently to himself because the second girl to ever make him cry left him for their ex.







camilla is sad
i know this because i check her blog every day.
camilla, don't be sad because you are lovely and i love you.